HALAINA'S BOOKSHELF • READ WITH ME

📚 Need a Good Relationship Book?

The books I've read, loved, learned from...and the very long list currently waiting for me. 😂

At some point in my dating journey, I apparently decided that if dating was going to confuse me, I was at least going to educate myself while being confused. 😂

So I started reading.

Books about dating. Marriage. Communication. Attachment. Boundaries. Intimacy. Faith. Conflict. Men. Women. Basically anything that might help me understand relationships—and myself—a little better.

Some books have completely changed the way I date. Some have given me one idea I keep coming back to. Some have made me underline half the page. And some have made me stop and think:

Wait...have I been thinking about this completely wrong? 😂

So this is my bookshelf.

The first section is made up of books I've actually read. When I've written about one, you can click through to see what I learned from it and how I've tried to apply those ideas to my own dating journey.

And then there's my reading list—which is getting slightly out of control. 😂

READ • UNDERLINED • PROBABLY TALKED ABOUT TOO MUCH

Books I've Read ❤️

These are the ones that have already made their way through my dating journey.

How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk

by John Van Epp

★★★★★

This one became a huge part of my dating education. It helped me understand how healthy relationships grow, introduced me to the RAM Model, and gave me language for slowing relationships down enough to actually know someone.

WHAT THIS BOOK TAUGHT ME →

Date... or Soul Mate?

by Neil Clark Warren

★★★★★

The book that pushed me to stop focusing only on “Do I like him?” and start asking whether I actually knew myself well enough to recognize what kind of relationship fit me.

This is where some of my favorite self-discovery exercises and my Must-Haves + Cannots list began.

WHAT THIS BOOK TAUGHT ME →

Men Are Like Waffles—Women Are Like Spaghetti

by Bill Farrel & Pam Farrel

★★★★★

A surprisingly memorable food metaphor that helped me think about the ways two people can process the same conversation, problem, or relationship very differently.

One of my biggest takeaways: different doesn't automatically mean wrong.

WHAT THIS BOOK TAUGHT ME →

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

by Steve Harvey

★★★★★

This one made me think more intentionally about something that can be easy to forget in dating: I don't just want a man who learns how to love me well.

I want to become better at understanding how to love him well too.

WHAT THIS BOOK TAUGHT ME →

The 5 Love Languages

by Gary Chapman

★★★★★

The Five Love Languages have been part of my life for years—from learning how family and friends receive love to eventually bringing those same ideas into dating.

The lesson I keep coming back to is simple: loving someone and making someone feel loved aren't always automatically the same thing.

WHAT THIS BOOK TAUGHT ME →

Attached

by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

★★★★★

A look at attachment patterns and the different ways people may seek closeness, respond to uncertainty, and experience security in romantic relationships.

This gave me another lens for thinking about why two people can experience the exact same relationship very differently.

WHAT THIS BOOK TAUGHT ME →

THE VERY LONG TBR PILE

On My Relationship Reading List 📚

Books I'm curious about, want to learn from, or have been recommended. Apparently my bookshelf has plans for me. 😂

💕 Dating & Choosing a Partner

Books about intentional dating, discernment, boundaries, attraction, and figuring out who might actually be a good person to build a life with.

Boundaries in Dating FIND BOOK HERE →

Henry Cloud & John Townsend Applying healthy boundaries to dating, relationships, decision-making, and emotional responsibility.

Single, Dating, Engaged, Married FIND BOOK HERE →

Ben Stuart A Christian look at the different relationship seasons and how to approach each one intentionally.

The Sacred Search FIND BOOK HERE →

Gary Thomas A faith-centered approach to choosing a spouse and thinking beyond chemistry alone.

Outdated FIND BOOK HERE →

Jonathan Pokluda Christian dating advice centered around intentionality, relationships, and marriage.

Loveology FIND BOOK HERE →

John Mark Comer A Christian discussion of love, sexuality, marriage, singleness, and relationships.

Relationship Goals FIND BOOK HERE →

Michael Todd Faith-centered thoughts about singleness, dating, relationships, and marriage.

💍 Marriage & Long-Term Love

Because dating is ultimately teaching me how to choose and prepare for the kind of marriage I hope to build someday.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work FIND BOOK HERE →

John Gottman & Nan Silver A well-known marriage book focused on friendship, conflict, communication, and strengthening long-term relationships.

Eight Dates FIND BOOK HERE →

John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams & Rachel Carlton Abrams Guided conversations about major areas of a long-term relationship, designed to help couples know each other more deeply.

Fight Right FIND BOOK HERE →

Julie Schwartz Gottman & John Gottman Focused on navigating conflict in ways that strengthen rather than slowly damage a relationship.

The Meaning of Marriage FIND BOOK HERE →

Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller A Christian approach to marriage, commitment, friendship, sacrifice, and faith.

Sacred Marriage FIND BOOK HERE →

Gary Thomas Explores marriage not only as a source of happiness, but also as a place for spiritual growth and becoming more Christlike.

Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married FIND BOOK HERE →

Gary Chapman Practical topics for serious dating, engagement, expectations, and preparing for marriage.

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts FIND BOOK HERE →

Les & Leslie Parrott Premarital preparation around expectations, communication, conflict, finances, and personality differences.

The Love Dare FIND BOOK HERE →

Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick A Christian, marriage-centered collection of practical challenges around loving intentionally.

🧠 Communication, Boundaries & Understanding Each Other

Because apparently “just communicate” sounds significantly easier than actually learning how to communicate. 😂

The 5 Apology Languages FIND BOOK HERE →

Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas Different ways people experience apologies, repair, responsibility, and reconciliation.

Boundaries FIND BOOK HERE →

Henry Cloud & John Townsend Not specifically about dating, but highly relevant to relationships, responsibility, limits, and emotional health.

Nonviolent Communication FIND BOOK HERE →

Marshall B. Rosenberg A framework for communicating observations, feelings, needs, and requests with less blame and defensiveness.

Crucial Conversations FIND BOOK HERE →

Joseph Grenny and coauthors Tools for difficult conversations when emotions are strong and the outcome matters.

Us FIND BOOK HERE →

Terrence Real Focuses on moving away from purely individualistic thinking and learning to function relationally as a team.

❤️ Attachment, Intimacy & Why We Choose Who We Choose

The “why am I like this?” section of the bookshelf. 😂

Hold Me Tight FIND BOOK HERE →

Sue Johnson Focuses on emotional connection, attachment, and creating stronger bonds between romantic partners.

Getting the Love You Want FIND BOOK HERE →

Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt Explores how earlier experiences may influence attraction, relationship patterns, and the partners we choose.

Wired for Love FIND BOOK HERE →

Stan Tatkin Uses attachment and neuroscience-informed ideas to discuss creating greater security between partners.

Mating in Captivity FIND BOOK HERE →

Esther Perel Explores long-term security, intimacy, desire, and maintaining romantic connection within committed relationships.

The State of Affairs FIND BOOK HERE →

Esther Perel A more marriage-focused book about infidelity, its impact, and relationship repair.

🌿 LDS & Faith-Centered Relationships

Books I'm especially interested in because I don't want faith to be a little side note in how I think about relationships. It's part of the kind of marriage I'm hoping to build.

Choosing Glory FIND BOOK HERE →

Lili De Hoyos Anderson Identity, agency, emotional maturity, family, and relationships from an LDS perspective.

Choosing Marriage FIND BOOK HERE →

Lili De Hoyos Anderson Focused specifically on preparing for and intentionally choosing marriage.

Intentional Courtship FIND BOOK HERE →

Lili De Hoyos Anderson An LDS-centered look at intentional dating and courtship.

Love, Dating, and Marriage FIND BOOK HERE →

George D. Durrant LDS-oriented thoughts about dating, courtship, love, and preparing for marriage.

The Dating Game FIND BOOK HERE →

Alisa Goodwin Snell An LDS perspective on dating patterns, attraction, and creating healthier dating relationships.

Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man FIND BOOK HERE →

Alisa Goodwin Snell A dating-focused book about intentional relationship choices and finding a healthy long-term partner.

Real Intimacy: A Couple's Guide to Healthy, Genuine Sexuality FIND BOOK HERE →

Thomas G. Harrison, Kristin B. Hodson & Alisha Worthington Approaches marital intimacy and healthy sexuality within an LDS gospel framework.

And They Were Not Ashamed FIND BOOK HERE →

Laura M. Brotherson LDS-centered discussion of marital intimacy, sexuality, and building a healthy intimate relationship.

Knowing Her Intimately FIND BOOK HERE →

Laura M. Brotherson Marriage and intimacy with a focus on understanding women within an LDS-centered framework.

Knowing Him Intimately FIND BOOK HERE →

Laura M. Brotherson A companion resource focused on understanding husbands, intimacy, and male sexuality.

The Peacegiver FIND BOOK HERE →

James L. Ferrell Not specifically a dating manual, but focused on Christlike love, forgiveness, conflict, and relationships.

The Holy Secret FIND BOOK HERE →

James L. Ferrell More broadly about discipleship and spiritual transformation, with ideas that can shape how we approach relationships.

The Anatomy of Peace FIND BOOK HERE →

The Arbinger Institute About seeing other people as people rather than problems or objects—an idea with obvious implications for relationships.

Leadership and Self-Deception FIND BOOK HERE →

The Arbinger Institute A broader book about self-deception and relationships that may be especially useful for thinking about defensiveness and conflict.

Bonds That Make Us Free FIND BOOK HERE →

C. Terry Warner A deeper exploration of self-deception, resentment, responsibility, relationships, and love.

For All Eternity FIND BOOK HERE →

John L. Lund LDS relationship and marriage material focused on communication and strengthening relationships.

How to Hug a Porcupine FIND BOOK HERE →

John L. Lund Focused on navigating difficult relationships and interacting with challenging people.

Love Life and See Good Days FIND BOOK HERE →

Emily Belle Freeman Faith-centered material about living and loving well, even though it isn't specifically a dating book.

The Christlike Heart FIND BOOK HERE →

John L. Lund A faith-centered resource for thinking about Christlike character, love, and relationships.

A Note About My Reading List 📖

Just because a book is on this list doesn't mean I've read it yet or that I'm automatically recommending everything in it.

It's quite literally my: “Ooh...that sounds interesting. I should read that.” list. 😂

When I do read one, I'll move it up to my Books I've Read shelf and, if it gives me enough to talk about, I'll write up what I learned from it too.

I also don't expect to agree with every idea in every book. Part of learning for me is reading, thinking, comparing ideas, praying, asking questions, and deciding what actually makes sense for the kind of person and relationship I want to become.

So...What Should I Read Next? 😂

Clearly I don't have enough books on this list already.

If there's a dating, relationship, marriage, communication, or faith-centered book that genuinely changed the way you think, I want to know about it.

Because sometimes one sentence in one book can give you language for something you've been trying to understand for years.

And those are the books I want on this shelf. 📚❤️

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