Princess Syndrome: Learning to Overcome It as a Christian Girl

Growing up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the law of chastity was something I learned about from a pretty young age.

And honestly? It clicked for me.

I learned that my body was sacred. I remember connecting it to the way we talk about temples—the House of God. A temple is sacred, treated with respect, and protected because of what happens inside of it. I began to see my body in a similar way.

My body was a gift from God, and I wanted to treat it that way.

Along with learning the commandments, I grew up with For the Strength of Youth, which gave me additional guidance about dating, sexuality, and staying morally clean.

I was grateful for those boundaries.

And I still am.

I made the decision a long time ago that I wanted to save sex for marriage. That wasn't something someone forced me into. It became something I personally wanted because of my relationship with God and what I believed.

But there was something I didn't understand yet.

There is a difference between believing that sexuality is sacred...

and becoming afraid of sexuality altogether.

And I think, somewhere along the way, those two things got a little tangled together for me.

Then I Started Dating...

Dating introduced an entirely new element to the equation.

Kissing.

Cuddling.

Holding someone close.

Actually being physically attracted to someone.

Suddenly, chastity wasn't just something I learned about in a Sunday lesson. I was trying to figure out what it looked like while sitting next to a guy I really liked. 😂

I decided pretty early that kissing was sacred to me too.

Kissing felt special. When I kissed someone, I felt like I was sharing a little piece of myself with him—something intimate that I couldn't completely take back afterward.

Because of that, I didn't want to kiss someone simply because I could.

And that's generally how I approached the guys I dated.

But then I discovered something else.

I liked kissing.

Like...quite a bit. 😂

And liking it wasn't necessarily the problem.

I had boundaries for myself. I knew what I believed about the law of chastity, and I wanted my physical relationships to stay within those boundaries.

What I wasn't prepared for was what sometimes happened inside of me when I kissed or cuddled with someone I really liked.

Because physical affection can bring up some pretty strong feelings.

And THAT scared me.

Wait...Am I Even Supposed to Be Feeling This?!

A longer kiss could make me want another one.

Cuddling with someone could make me want to get closer.

Sometimes my mind would wander toward making out, greater physical intimacy, or even the fact that someday I wanted to have sex with my husband.

And my immediate reaction was basically:

NOPE. WE ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT.

In my mind, those thoughts felt inappropriate.

Sometimes they even felt wicked.

I had spent so much time learning that sex was sacred and that I was choosing to save it for marriage that when sexual feelings actually started appearing, I didn't always know what to do with them.

So I developed a rather ridiculous mental trick.

I imagined I was Dumbledore. 😂

You know how Dumbledore can pull memories out of his mind with his wand?

That was basically me.

Nope. Get that thought OUT OF HERE.

And actually, redirecting my thoughts can still be helpful when I'm dwelling on something I don't want to dwell on. I believe learning to direct our thoughts instead of allowing every thought to control us is important.

But there was something else I desperately needed to learn:

Experiencing sexual feelings isn't the same thing as doing something wrong.

I could choose what I did with those feelings without being ashamed that they existed in the first place.

God Created Us This Way

This was probably one of the biggest shifts for me.

For years, I think part of me subconsciously viewed sexual desire as the enemy of chastity.

But eventually I started realizing:

Why would God give His children sexual feelings if merely experiencing them made us wicked?

From the very beginning of scripture, sexuality and family are part of God's plan.

God commanded Adam and Eve to:

“Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.”
—Genesis 1:28

In Latter-day Saint belief, that commandment is deeply connected to our understanding of marriage, family, and God's plan for His children.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches that the “sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.”

The word that began standing out to me was sacred.

Sacred doesn't mean dirty.

Sacred doesn't mean embarrassing.

Sacred doesn't mean I should be terrified of it.

It means something has significance and deserves to be treated with care.

Sexual desire itself wasn't evidence that something was wrong with me. Attraction wasn't something I needed to be ashamed of. Wanting to kiss someone I loved didn't automatically make me immoral.

Those feelings were part of the body God gave me.

The question wasn't simply:

“Did I feel something?”

The better question became:

“What am I choosing to do with what I'm feeling?”

That distinction changed a lot for me.

When Other Dating Experiences Reinforced My Fear

Unfortunately, there were also dating experiences that unintentionally reinforced the belief I was already carrying.

There were times when a guy would tell me that he felt like we'd been inappropriate because we'd kissed.

Or someone would say that we needed to pull back physically because things were becoming “too much.”

And sometimes taking a step back was absolutely the right decision.

Boundaries are good.

If kissing or cuddling is making it difficult for either person to live the law of chastity, I think being able to say, “Hey, we need to slow this down,” is actually a sign of maturity.

But emotionally, I didn't always interpret it that way.

Instead of hearing:

“We're experiencing normal attraction, so let's make a wise choice about our boundaries,”

my brain sometimes heard:

“What you're feeling is bad.”

And that fed something that was already growing inside of me.

Maybe I shouldn't want this.

Maybe enjoying kissing too much is dangerous.

Maybe feeling turned on means I've already crossed some invisible spiritual line.

Maybe I need to shut this entire part of myself down until I'm married.

Except that created another problem.

Because what exactly was supposed to happen when I DID get married?

Was I somehow supposed to flip a switch?

And Then...We're Married! Switch Flipped! 😅

This was the part that genuinely scared me.

I believed sex belonged within marriage.

But honestly?

The idea of actually having sex once I was married terrified me.

I started wondering how I was supposed to spend years telling myself:

Don't think about that.

Don't want that.

Don't go there.

Stop those feelings.

...and then get married and suddenly say:

Okay! We're good now! 🎉

My beliefs told me marital intimacy could be beautiful and sacred.

But emotionally, part of me still associated sexual feelings with danger, guilt, or doing something wrong.

That's when I eventually came across an idea sometimes referred to as “Princess Syndrome.”

What Is “Princess Syndrome”?

“Princess Syndrome” isn't an official doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nor is it a medical or psychological diagnosis.

It's simply a term I've encountered that helped me put words to something I had experienced.

In this context, it describes the difficulty some Christian women experience when they grow up hearing a lot about avoiding sexual behavior before marriage, but don't necessarily receive the same amount of education about healthy sexuality, attraction, physical affection, and intimacy.

You can become really good at knowing:

Don't do this.

Don't cross that line.

Save sex for marriage.

But never really learn:

Sexual feelings are normal.

Your body isn't dirty.

Attraction isn't a sin.

Physical intimacy can be beautiful.

You can learn to communicate about sex without being ashamed.

And you don't suddenly become a sexual person on your wedding night—you already are a whole person learning how to steward that part of yourself.

That realization was huge for me.

Because I didn't want to abandon the law of chastity.

I wanted to understand it without being afraid of myself.

So...It's Okay?

This is probably what younger me needed someone to tell her.

Yes. It's okay to experience attraction.

It's okay to enjoy kissing someone you're dating.

It's okay for cuddling to create feelings inside your body.

It's okay to want another kiss.

It's okay to recognize that someday you want to experience sexual intimacy with your husband.

Having a feeling doesn't mean you have to act on every feeling.

And choosing not to act on something doesn't require believing the feeling itself makes you dirty.

For me, chastity became much healthier when I stopped seeing it as:

“I must make sure I never feel sexual.”

And started seeing it as:

“I am a sexual being created by God, and I am choosing how I express that part of myself according to the covenants and values I believe in.”

Those are VERY different mindsets.

One is driven largely by fear.

The other gives me agency.

What Has Helped Me Overcome It

I'm still learning.

But one of the biggest things that has helped me has simply been education.

Instead of being afraid to learn about sexuality because I worried that learning about it was somehow inappropriate, I've started trying to understand the way God created our bodies, how attraction works, how intimacy develops, and what healthy marital sexuality can look like.

Knowledge has actually made me feel more confident in my commitment to chastity, not less.

I've also learned to set boundaries intentionally.

Rather than constantly wondering:

Was that kiss too long?

Did we cuddle too closely?

Was I wrong for enjoying that?

I'm learning to decide beforehand what my boundaries are and why I have them.

That means I don't have to make every decision in the middle of an emotionally—and sometimes physically—charged moment.

And I've learned that boundaries can appropriately change as a relationship changes.

The boundaries I have with someone I've gone on two dates with aren't necessarily going to look exactly like the boundaries I have in a serious relationship.

Dating, engagement, and marriage are different stages of intimacy and commitment.

Marriage changes the sexual boundary completely within my faith.

But that doesn't mean I need to be terrified of physical affection until my wedding day.

Instead, I can learn gradually how to communicate about attraction, affection, comfort, consent, expectations, and boundaries.

I can learn what makes me feel safe.

I can learn what makes maintaining my values harder.

I can recognize when something is bringing us closer in a healthy way and when we need to pull back.

And maybe most importantly, I can learn to talk about it.

Sacred Doesn't Mean Scary

I think that's ultimately the lesson I've been learning.

I still believe in the law of chastity.

I still believe my body is sacred.

I still want to save sex for marriage.

Those things haven't changed.

What I'm trying to change is the fear.

I don't want my first lesson about healthy sexuality to happen after I say, “I do.”

I want to enter marriage someday understanding that intimacy isn't something dirty that suddenly becomes acceptable because I'm wearing a wedding ring.

It's something sacred that I've been learning to understand, respect, communicate about, and prepare for all along.

I don't need to be ashamed because I like kissing.

I don't need to panic because my body responds to someone I'm attracted to.

And I don't need to pretend sexual feelings don't exist in order to live the law of chastity.

I can acknowledge them.

I can understand them.

I can set boundaries around them.

I can bring God into that part of my life too.

Because maybe becoming comfortable with the sexuality God gave me isn't moving away from chastity at all.

Maybe it's learning how to live it without fear.

And for me, that's been a really important difference.

Have You Ever Felt This Too?

This is one of those topics that can feel a little awkward to talk about, but I also think that's exactly why we need to talk about it.

For a long time, I thought I was supposed to know how to navigate all of this on my own—how to have physical boundaries while dating, how to handle attraction without feeling guilty about it, and somehow how to go from “don't go too far” to one day feeling completely comfortable with intimacy in marriage.

And I have a feeling I'm probably not the only one who has wrestled with that.

So I'm curious...

Have you ever experienced something like “Princess Syndrome”?

Did you ever feel guilty or uncomfortable simply because you enjoyed kissing, cuddling, or felt sexual attraction toward someone you were dating?

Did you ever wonder where the line was between normal attraction and crossing one of your personal or religious boundaries?

Or maybe you've already worked through some of this. What helped you? Was it education? A conversation with someone you trusted? Counseling? A book? Talking openly with the person you were dating or your spouse? Simply realizing that attraction itself wasn't something you needed to be ashamed of?

I'd genuinely love to hear your experience.

You don't have to share anything more personal than you're comfortable sharing. This isn't about comparing boundaries or deciding what someone else should or shouldn't do.

I just want to create a space where we can have some of the conversations that can sometimes feel really hard to have.

Because maybe someone else is sitting there thinking:

Wait...other Christian women have struggled with this too?

Yep. 🙋🏼‍♀️

And sometimes realizing you're not the only one is a pretty good place to start.