❤️ Tried, Used & Actually Loved
The things I'd send you if we were talking about dating over boba.
Okay...but what do I actually recommend?
I've read a lot of dating advice. Tried a lot of exercises. Saved a lot of questions. And, naturally, overthought more than a few of them. 😂
But every once in a while, I find something that actually sticks. Something I use again. Something that changes the way I think about dating, helps me understand myself better, or gives me a tool I genuinely want to keep.
Those are the things that end up here.
Currently in My Toolbox ❤️
Not everything I've ever tried. Just the things that earned their spot.
🧋 The Boba Test
A tiny dating experiment for noticing openness, curiosity, and willingness to try.
This one started with an actual cup of boba. 😂 But it isn't really about whether someone likes tapioca pearls. It's about paying attention to how someone responds when they're invited into something new—and whether both people are willing to step into each other's worlds a little.
It gives me something small and natural to notice without turning dating into an interview or compatibility checklist. Nobody has to like everything. I just really value curiosity and willingness.
📚 The RAM Model
Know → Trust → Rely → Commit → Touch.
This model gave me a way to understand how relationships actually grow—and why sometimes my feelings can get a little farther ahead than the relationship itself. 😂
It's helped me slow down and ask what I actually know about someone, what they've shown me, and whether trust, reliance, commitment, and physical closeness are growing alongside each other.
It gives me a way to slow my brain down when I'm excited about someone. Instead of only asking, “Is this going somewhere?” I can ask, “How is this actually growing?” That one shift has helped me look at a LOT of my Dating Detours differently.
✏️ 10 Must-Haves + 10 Cannots
Basically my dating grocery list. 😂
This exercise helped me stop dating with only a vague idea of what I wanted and actually put words to the things that matter most to me.
Ten things I really need in a relationship. Ten things I know I cannot build the kind of marriage I want around. And a whole lot of clarity about the difference between a preference and a value.
Because it gives me something to come back to when I really like someone and suddenly become VERY talented at explaining things away. 😂 It reminds me to ask whether this relationship actually fits the life I want—not just whether I could somehow make it work.
📖 Books That Actually Stuck With Me
Not every dating book I've read. Just the ones I still talk about.
I've read plenty of relationship advice over the years, but some books have done more than give me a few interesting ideas.
These are the ones that gave me tools I actually used, changed the way I thought about something, or made me look back at a Dating Detour and go, “Ohhhh...THAT'S what was happening.” 😂
I don't want to recommend books just because they're popular. I want to be able to tell you what actually stuck with me and how it showed up in my real dating life. These are the books I would genuinely pull off my shelf and hand to a friend.
💬 Questions I Keep Coming Back To
Because sometimes I don't need more dating advice. I need a better question.
These are the questions that help me slow down when my brain is ten steps ahead of whatever is actually happening. 😂
They're the kinds of questions I use to check in with myself, notice patterns, think about compatibility, and separate what I'm actually seeing from what I'm hoping a relationship becomes.
A good question doesn't tell me what decision to make. It helps me see clearly enough to make my own. I especially love questions that bring me back to what is actually happening instead of letting me spiral into every possible future scenario.
🧰 The Permanent Toolbox
Some things are useful once. And then there are the things I keep pulling back out. These are becoming part of the way I actually approach dating.
This List Is Definitely Going to Grow 😂
As I keep dating, learning, reading, experimenting, and occasionally realizing, “Oh...that was actually really helpful,” I'll keep adding the things that earn a real place here. If I wouldn't genuinely send it to a friend over boba, it probably doesn't belong on this page. ❤️
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