What if I told you that my first boyfriend started out feeling a little like one of my K-drama fantasies coming true?
Because...he kind of did. 😂
I've loved rom-coms and romance movies for as long as I can remember, and somewhere in my teenage years, I was introduced to Asian dramas.
You know the ones.
The guy holds the umbrella. He notices the little things. He makes his intentions known. There's usually some dramatic moment where he basically says, I like you, and I would like to pursue you.
Meanwhile, I was over here struggling to get dates. 😂
Finding a man who loves God has always mattered much more to me than finding some picture-perfect romantic gentleman. But after watching an embarrassing number of K-dramas, I would be lying if I said I hadn't wondered what it would feel like to have someone intentionally pursue me like that.
And then...I met Fantasy Fred.
After the Mission
Dating after my mission was hard.
I hadn't dated a ton before leaving, and coming home meant readjusting to normal life while also trying to figure out how in the world I was supposed to meet people.
The dating pool around me didn't exactly feel huge either.
So naturally, I decided that if there wasn't a dating pool...
I was going to bring the dating pool to me. 😂
I had also noticed a real need for single adults in the area to have more opportunities to meet and connect, so I had the idea to put together a Luau.
And while hosting that Luau, I met the guy who would eventually become my first official boyfriend.
I remember seeing him walk in and immediately thinking he was cute.
What I did not know was the ride I was about to go on with this man.
Wait...You Like K-Dramas Too?!
Later that evening, we ended up in the same group playing a game. At some point I mentioned that I liked K-dramas, and he chimed in that he liked them too.
Excuse me?
A cute guy who watches K-dramas?
Noted.
My first impression was that he seemed fun, kind, and genuinely like a good guy.
Later, I saw him playing a game with some other people and remember thinking, Okay, I actually really want to talk to him.
The problem was that talking to a cute guy I had just met required me to actually...walk over and talk to the cute guy I had just met.
So I mustered up my courage, walked over, and said hello.
We talked for a little while before the activities shifted and everyone moved on to something else.
I figured that might be it.
Except my mom and I had another activity planned.
And this one worked very nicely in my favor.
When Your Mom Is the Matchmaker...
My mom and I had come up with an activity where people would be matched into little groups for a planned group date. The whole idea was to create an easy, low-pressure opportunity for people to meet each other.
Very wholesome.
Very innocent.
Except...
my mom was the matchmaker. 😂
And my mom knew I thought this particular guy was cute.
So somehow—and I'm sure completely by coincidence—we ended up matched together.
Don't worry. He eventually became suspicious.
And yes, I confessed.
Thankfully, it turned into something we could laugh about.
Our group's activity was basically a photo scavenger hunt. We were given a list of things to find and had to take pictures with them.
As we walked around taking ridiculous pictures and laughing together, we started talking.
And then we really started talking.
I found myself sharing things about myself that I normally wouldn't have shared with someone I had just met. I remember noticing how comfortable I felt around him and taking that as a really good sign.
I was being vulnerable.
And, to my surprise, he was vulnerable back.
We both shared some deeper things that probably weren't typical first-date conversation.
At the time, I thought, Wow. We can really talk to each other.
And that felt like connection.
Looking back, I still think there was something genuine about that moment. But I also understand something now that I didn't understand then:
Vulnerability can make you feel very close to someone you still barely know.
That would become important later.
But that night?
I was just excited.
Save Me a Dance
Later, we held a dance.
And because apparently I don't know how to do anything halfway, there were dance cards. 😂
At some point, Fantasy Fred came over and asked for a spot on mine.
While we were dancing, he caught me completely off guard.
He started asking me something along the lines of:
How would I feel about someone older wanting to get to know me? Would I be okay with that?
Ummm...
Was this man asking permission to pursue me?!
I was surprised. Flattered. Excited. Nervous.
Here was this cute guy I had clicked with, who had intentionally come over to dance with me, basically asking whether I would be open to him getting to know me romantically.
My little K-drama-loving heart was definitely paying attention.
And then came the part that made my brain go:
Wait.
He was eight years older than me.
Now, an eight-year age difference isn't automatically a problem. Plenty of people have wonderful relationships with larger age gaps.
But for me, it mattered.
I had already decided that I was most comfortable dating someone within about five years of my age.
So when he told me his age, I felt that little hesitation.
My heart was saying, But he's cute! And he likes you! And this is exciting!
And another part of me was quietly saying, Yeah...but you said this mattered to you.
Guess which voice won?
I told him I was okay with it.
“I Want to Court You.”
We exchanged numbers after the dance.
And then proceeded to message basically all night.
The next day, we sat together at church. Afterward, he told me he wanted to talk, so we went for a little Sunday walk around the church building.
And that's when this man looked at me and told me he liked me...
and wanted to court me.
COURT ME?!
Who says that?!
Apparently Fantasy Fred. 😂
I was so taken aback—and honestly, really flattered.
Dating had been so discouraging for me, and suddenly I had this guy intentionally saying, I like you. I want to pursue you.
It felt like my dating life had changed overnight.
I told him that I really liked talking to him too and that I was open to him courting me, but I didn't want us to be exclusive.
He agreed.
And honestly, I liked that.
We weren't jumping straight into a relationship. We were going to keep building a friendship, go on dates, get to know each other, and still be free to date other people.
Or, as I like to think of it...
we were still allowed to try other flavors of ice cream. 😂
And Then Came the Dates
Fantasy Fred planned some genuinely fun dates.
We did a puzzle in the library.
We went out for sushi.
He introduced me to pho.
We watched Studio Ghibli movies together.
And listen...
A guy who would willingly watch Studio Ghibli with me?
I may have accidentally raised my future-husband expectations right then and there. 😂
The more we talked, the more I liked him.
And the more I liked him, the harder it became to keep this comfortably in the category of We're just getting to know each other.
Because whether I realized it or not, I was getting attached.
Then came the sushi date.
It should have been one of my dream dates. He took me somewhere I could try all kinds of sushi combinations I'd never had before.
Sushi. Cute guy. Great conversation.
Check. Check. Check.
Except during that date, Fantasy Fred opened up to me about some things that had been weighing on his mind.
And as he talked, I started hearing things that bumped up against some of the standards and dealbreakers I had already decided mattered to me.
Some of them were things I didn't fully understand yet.
But I knew enough to feel uneasy.
So instead of coming home from my dream sushi date floating on a cloud...
I came home and cried.
I remember feeling so disappointed.
Here was someone I genuinely liked. Someone who liked me. Someone who was intentionally pursuing me.
And suddenly I was faced with a decision I really didn't want to make.
Do I walk away now, before this becomes something more?
Or do I keep getting to know him?
And this is where I did something I would find myself doing more than once in my dating life.
I started negotiating with myself.
We're not boyfriend and girlfriend.
We're still dating other people.
We're just getting to know each other.
I don't have to decide anything yet.
So I chose to keep going.
And technically, all of those things were true.
But there was one thing I wasn't quite admitting to myself yet:
My feelings were already becoming much more involved than “just friends going on dates.”
And that was about to make everything a whole lot more complicated.
I liked him. He liked me. Things were moving forward. And yet...I was starting to notice a feeling I couldn't quite explain.
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