Rejection Without Rejecting Myself
Turns out someone not choosing me doesn't mean I have to stop choosing me too.
Something I've been realizing lately is that a lot of my Dating Detours have something in common.
Rejection.
Sometimes it's been obvious rejection. Other times it's been someone slowly losing interest, not wanting to keep getting to know me, choosing someone else, or simply deciding that for whatever reason, I wasn't the person they wanted to pursue.
And honestly, rejection still stings.
I don't think I'm ever going to get to the point where a guy I'm excited about says he isn't interested and I'm like, Wow, what wonderful news! 😂
But I've noticed that the sting doesn't last the way it used to.
When Rejection Felt Personal
There have been times in the past when rejection really affected the way I saw myself.
Instead of simply thinking, Okay, this guy isn't interested in me, somehow my brain would turn it into:
What's wrong with me?
Why wasn't I enough?
What does she have that I don't?
And without realizing it, I think I had connected a guy's interest in me to my worth.
If he liked me, I felt wanted.
If he didn't, I felt like there must be something about me that wasn't worth wanting.
But after going through rejection a few more times—and surviving it a few more times 😂—I think I've slowly started building some resilience toward it.
Now when someone isn't interested, of course I can still be disappointed. I can still wish it had gone differently. I can give myself a minute to be sad about it.
But I'm learning not to make his decision mean something about me that it doesn't.
A guy's interest in me and my worth are two completely different things.
Someone can meet me and decide I'm not the person for him.
That doesn't mean I'm not funny enough, pretty enough, interesting enough, spiritual enough, or whatever other thing my brain might want to add to the list.
It just means I'm not his person.
And I think the same thing goes for you men out there too. A girl deciding she isn't interested doesn't get to determine your worth either.
Sometimes people just aren't interested.
Sometimes the chemistry isn't there. Sometimes the timing is wrong. Sometimes your personalities don't click. Sometimes what you're looking for is different. And sometimes you may never completely understand why.
It can sting without becoming a statement about who you are.
The Part That's Actually Changing
And I think that's the difference I'm starting to notice in myself.
I'm not becoming someone who doesn't care about rejection.
I'm becoming someone who can experience rejection without rejecting myself too.
And honestly, I'm pretty proud of that growth.
Because this doesn't only happen in dating.
We experience little forms of rejection all over our lives.
You might apply for a job you're really excited about and not get it. You might try to become friends with someone and realize they're not putting in the same effort. You might not get invited somewhere. Someone you love might not respond to you in the way you hoped. You might put something you've created out into the world and barely anyone notices it.
And it can be really easy to take those experiences and turn them inward.
Maybe I'm not talented enough.
Maybe people don't like me.
Maybe I'm not as important to them as they are to me.
Maybe I'm just not enough.
But someone's decision about us isn't automatically the truth about us.
Not getting the job doesn't mean you have nothing to offer.
Someone not wanting a friendship doesn't mean you're not a good friend.
Not being included doesn't mean you don't belong anywhere.
And a person not wanting to date you definitely doesn't mean you're somehow less worthy of being loved.
Maybe This Is What Resilience Looks Like
I think I'm learning that resilience isn't getting to the point where rejection doesn't hurt.
Maybe it's being able to let it hurt without letting it change what you believe about yourself.
So now, when a guy isn't interested, I'm trying to let myself have that little moment of, Dang it. I actually liked him.
And then keep going.
Because the right person for me isn't going to need to be convinced that I'm worth getting to know.
He's going to see things in me that someone else didn't, just like I'm going to see things in him that maybe someone else overlooked.
And until then, I don't want to hand every guy I meet the power to decide how I feel about myself.
They don't get that job.
I'm learning that my worth was already there before he liked me, and it's still there if he doesn't. ❤️
Okay, now I'm curious about you... ❤️
Has rejection ever made you question something about yourself that, looking back, really wasn't yours to carry?
And what has helped you get better at letting someone else's no stay a no—without turning it into I'm not enough?
I'd love to hear your story in the comments! I think learning how other people have worked through rejection might help all of us get a little better at not rejecting ourselves too.
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