The Most Ridiculous Dating Idea I’ve Ever Had
Have you ever gotten so frustrated with dating that you thought, Fine. I’m going to try something completely ridiculous!
Because apparently, that was where I was.
I was finally starting to feel like myself again. I was mentally healthier, emotionally steadier, and feeling a little more free from some of those personal “black holes” I’d spent so much time trapped in. I had worked on myself, I was healing, and I was finally starting to feel hopeful again.
Which meant there was one thing sitting there, patiently waiting for my attention.
Oh boy.
I Needed to Try Something Different
I had actually been thinking about dating for a while, but this time I wanted to approach it differently. I didn’t want to jump back onto the apps, go on a bunch of random dates, hope for the best, and then somehow end up sitting in my car afterward questioning all of my life choices.
I’d done that before.
And honestly, I was tired. Dating apps weren’t working particularly well for me. I don’t know how, but somehow I seemed to have a special talent for attracting some pretty interesting characters. And while they certainly gave me stories...they weren’t exactly giving me a relationship.
A few years earlier, I had heard a talk about dating referrals that had stuck with me. The idea had always been sitting somewhere in the back of my mind, but I’d never actually been brave enough to try it.
Then one day, after going to the temple, I had one of those spiritual highs where you walk out feeling like you can conquer the world. Or at least...your dating life.
I had spent some time in the temple talking to God about dating and how discouraged I was feeling. I was frustrated with what I had been doing, frustrated that it didn’t seem to be working, and honestly getting pretty close to wanting to throw the whole dating thing away.
I remember wondering, What am I supposed to do differently?
Because clearly doing the same thing over and over again wasn’t exactly producing different results.
And somewhere in all of that thinking and praying, an idea came back to me.
A slightly terrifying idea.
Dating Referrals
Think about it. On a mission, you ask for referrals. At work, you ask for referrals. People get jobs through referrals. We ask our friends where to eat, who cuts their hair, what doctor they like, where we should visit...
So why couldn’t I ask for dating referrals?
Instead of relying completely on an app and a few carefully selected profile pictures, why couldn’t I ask people who actually knew me if they knew someone they thought I might connect with?
It sounded a little crazy. Okay...it sounded VERY crazy.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Maybe it was time to let the people who actually knew me have a turn.
So I Made a List
When I got home, I started thinking about the people in my life.
Who actually knows me? Who understands my personality? Who knows what’s important to me? Who knows what I’m looking for?
And probably the most important question... Who might actually know a good guy?
I thought about friends, former roommates, people from church, and people who had known me during different stages of my life. I spent about a week putting together my little referral list.
Which, honestly, was the easy part.
Because eventually I had to do the thing I’d been avoiding. I had to actually ask them.
And THAT was terrifying.
The Message
I put together a message that basically said:
“Hi! I’m reaching out because I’ve felt inspired to start asking for dating referrals. I’m asking people who know me best if they know any good guys I might be interested in going on a blind date with. When I was thinking about who to ask, you came to mind!
I’m looking for someone kind and fun, who served a mission, is around 5'10"–6'2", close with his family, active in the Church, wants a family, likes a little adventure in his life, and is around 22–27.”
I KNOW.
Way bold. Way outside my comfort zone.
I stared at that message for a while before hitting send because suddenly all of the insecurities started creeping in.
What if they think this is weird? What if they don’t know anyone? What if nobody responds? What if they think I’m desperate?
That last one bothered me the most.
Because putting myself out there meant admitting something pretty openly: Hey. I’m single. I’d like to meet someone. Can you help me?
And there was something surprisingly vulnerable about that.
“The Lord Loves Effort”
But I kept thinking about something President Russell M. Nelson had said that had really stuck with me:
I couldn’t control whether someone had a referral for me. I couldn’t control whether the guy would be interested, whether we’d actually go on a date, or whether that date would turn into anything.
But I could make an effort.
And sometimes, that’s all you can do.
So finally, I started sending the message.
Oh my goodness.
Send.
What am I doing?
Send.
Well...too late now.
And then I waited.
And the Referrals Started Coming
At first, not much happened. Then slowly, people started responding.
Some didn’t know anyone. Some gave me names. Some conversations went absolutely nowhere. Some referrals actually turned into dates. And some introduced me to some pretty interesting characters that... well...you’ll definitely hear about later.
But there was one referral that stood out from the rest.
It came from one of my former college roommates.
At the time, it was simply another name. Another guy. Another Well...let’s see what happens.
I had absolutely no idea what I was stepping into.
That referral turned into an ice-skating date, which turned into another date, and another.
There was fun. There were feelings I hadn’t expected. There were lessons I didn’t know I needed to learn.
And eventually, there was heartbreak. A lot of it.
But that heartbreak would also eventually lead to healing, growth, and some of the most important things I would learn about myself and relationships.
All from one little referral.
At the time, though, I didn’t know any of that. I was simply trying something new because I was tired of doing the same thing and getting the same results.
And somehow, one uncomfortable little message opened the door to an entire chapter of my life I never could have planned.
Sometimes You Just Have to Try
I think that’s one of the things dating has taught me over and over again: you don’t always know which choices are going to matter.
You think you’re just agreeing to coffee. Or ice skating. Or a blind date. Or sending one slightly terrifying message to an old roommate.
And then suddenly, you’re living through experiences and learning lessons you definitely did not sign up for.
Not every referral worked. Actually... most of them didn’t.
But I don’t regret trying.
Because the goal wasn’t to guarantee myself a husband. The goal was to stop sitting around frustrated with dating while continuing to do exactly what I’d always done.
I wanted to try something different. I wanted to put in effort. And maybe most importantly, I wanted to involve God in my dating life instead of only asking Him to fix things when they went wrong.
I was beginning to realize that maybe faith in dating didn’t mean sitting around waiting for God to drop the perfect man on my doorstep.
And Then Life Changed Again
But before I tell you what happened with that particular referral, there’s another piece of my journey you need to know.
After almost a year in Utah, I unexpectedly made another huge decision.
I moved back to Ohio.
I was back home with my parents and younger siblings, trying to heal my heart, rebuild my life, and figure out what came next.
And trust me...I have a LOT to tell you.
But we’ll get there.
Would YOU Ever Ask for a Dating Referral?
Would you send your friends and family a message asking if they knew someone you should go on a blind date with?
Or did you read my message and immediately think:
“Absolutely not, Alaina. I would rather stay single.” 😂
Honestly...I get it.
And if you’ve ever been set up by a friend, roommate, family member, or random person who was absolutely convinced they knew “the PERFECT person for you,” I want to hear about it.
Did it actually work? Or did you end up with a story you’re still telling years later?
Because my little dating referral experiment? Oh...it gave me stories.
And we’re just getting started.
Want to Read the Talk That Helped Inspire Me?
One of the messages that helped inspire my dating-referral experiment was “Continually Progressing toward Eternal Marriage” by Elder Carl B. Cook of the Seventy and Sister Lynette H. Cook.
READ THE TALK →
No comments:
Post a Comment