Have you ever worked up the courage to do something completely outside your comfort zone, finally convinced yourself, Halaina, just GO FOR IT...
...only to immediately wish you could disappear into the floor?
Well.
Meet Already Taken Tom.
A Very Cute Cowboy
I was in my sophomore year of college, back from my mission and attending another semester at BYU-Idaho.
And, of course, I was out country dancing with friends because if there was country dancing happening anywhere nearby, there was a pretty good chance I was going to be there.
I LOVE country dancing.
So there I was, dancing with my friends, when I noticed another group standing close to us.
They looked like they were trying to figure out some of the moves, and that's when I noticed him.
A very cute cowboy.
Oh hey there.
He had definitely caught my attention.
I watched their group attempting to learn for a little while and eventually started giving myself a little internal pep talk.
Go over there.
You know how to dance.
Just offer to teach them.
This is completely normal.
Finally, I worked up the courage, walked over to the group, and said something like:
“Hey! I noticed you're trying to learn some of the moves. I can teach you some.”
And...
silence.
Nobody really said anything.
Which was a little awkward.
At the time, I had no idea why.
I would find out later.
Okay...Maybe There Was Something Here
Thankfully, Cute Cowboy eventually agreed, and we started dancing.
And you know what?
It was FUN.
We danced for a few songs, and while we danced, we talked.
We started realizing we actually had quite a bit in common.
I learned that he was attending BYU in Utah and was only visiting Idaho, which was a little disappointing, but I remember feeling like there might actually be a connection there.
You know that little feeling when you meet someone and your brain starts going...
Hmm.
This is interesting.
Maybe...
Yeah.
That.
We probably would have kept dancing, but eventually his friends came over and told him they needed to leave.
Dang it.
Except then...
They didn't leave.
They hung around for a little while longer, which gave my friends plenty of time to notice exactly what had been happening between me and Cute Cowboy.
And apparently my friends decided:
this love story was now their responsibility.
“You Need to Get His Number!”
“You need to get his number!”
Absolutely not.
“GO ASK HIM!”
No.
“You guys were totally hitting it off!”
Guys.
I do not ask men for their numbers.
Or at least...
I didn't.
But secretly?
I wanted his number.
I wanted to know if that little connection we'd had while dancing could turn into something more.
And yes, he lived in Utah, but my brain had apparently decided that was a problem for Future Halaina.
Present Halaina just needed to get the number.
So, with a combination of peer pressure, adrenaline, and what I can only assume was a temporary loss of all social inhibition, I decided...
Fine.
I'm doing it.
So...I Chased Him Down
His group started heading toward the door, and I realized I was running out of time.
So I speed-walked after them.
Okay...
It may have been closer to running.
I caught up right before they left, awkwardly inserted myself into their conversation, got his attention, and said the sentence that still makes me cringe a little when I think about it:
“I usually don't do this, but...do you want to exchange numbers?”
And then...
Silence.
Not regular silence.
LONG silence.
The kind of silence that probably lasted three seconds but somehow felt like I had enough time to reconsider every decision I'd made since birth.
His friends started laughing.
He looked down.
He wouldn't even look me in the eye.
And then he said:
“I have a girlfriend.”
Oh.
My.
Goodness.
Suddenly, Everything Made Sense
The weird silence when I first offered to teach their group how to dance.
His friends trying to pull him away.
His friends LAUGHING.
THE MAN HAD A GIRLFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure my entire face turned red.
I quickly said something like:
“Oh! No worries!”
And then...
I got OUT of there.
I turned around and escaped so quickly I'm honestly surprised I didn't leave a little Halaina-shaped cloud of dust behind me.
I was mortified.
The Most Embarrassing Win
For a while, that moment lived comfortably in the file in my brain labeled:
Things We Will Never Speak of Again.
Because come on.
I had done something I NEVER did.
I approached the guy.
I asked him to dance.
Then I chased him down before he left and asked for his number.
Only to discover...
he was already taken.
Hence...
Already Taken Tom.
But the older I've gotten, the differently I've started looking at that story.
Because yes, it was embarrassing.
But you know what else it was?
Brave.
I Asked
I saw someone I was interested in, and instead of standing across the room hoping he would magically read my mind, I walked over and talked to him.
Then, when I thought there might be a connection, I did something even further outside my comfort zone.
I asked.
Did I get the answer I wanted?
Absolutely not.
Did I want to crawl into a hole immediately afterward?
Absolutely yes.
But...
I survived.
And weirdly enough, that embarrassing little moment actually helped build my confidence.
It taught me that rejection wasn't going to kill me.
Embarrassment wasn't going to kill me.
Doing something completely outside my comfort zone wasn't going to kill me.
And maybe I was capable of being a little braver than I thought.
Courage Gets Built in the Little Things Too
There's a scripture in Philippians 4:13 that I've loved for a long time:
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
I've usually thought about that scripture during the big hard things in life.
But honestly, I think courage gets built in the little things too.
Sometimes it's taking a huge leap of faith.
And sometimes it's simply walking across a country dance floor and saying...
“Hey, want to dance?”
Already Taken Tom didn't become a relationship.
He didn't even become a phone number.
But he did become one of those little Dating Detours that reminded me:
I can do hard things.
Even if occasionally those hard things end with me turning bright red and running for the nearest exit.
Have you ever done something brave in dating...and immediately regretted it?
Maybe you asked for the number, sent the message, made the first move, or took a chance without knowing how it would turn out.
Even if the answer wasn't what you hoped for...were you still a little proud that you tried? ❤️
Already Taken Tom didn't give me a relationship.
He didn't even give me his number.
But that night taught me that doing something brave doesn't guarantee the answer you want.
Sometimes the win is simply knowing you had the courage to ask.
Even if the answer is... “I have a girlfriend.”
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