THE CARL THE CORRECTOR SERIES

Part Two

I had a boyfriend I really liked...and suddenly, information I really didn't.

I had a boyfriend.

And I was VERY excited about it. 😂

Carl had brought me flowers—the first flowers a guy had ever given me—told me I made him want to become a better man, asked me to be his girlfriend, and kissed me on Halloween.

Things were moving faster than my carefully planned RAM Model approach had intended, but at that point?

I wasn't exactly complaining.

I really liked him.

I was excited to see where the relationship would go, and I felt like there were so many good things about Carl that made moving forward make sense.

He cared about his faith. He had served a mission. He worked at the temple. He served in church. He was outgoing, adventurous, and liked trying new things. We both loved food, cooking, being active, and actually going out and doing things together.

And, of course, I still had that little phrase sitting in the back of my mind:

He's on your wavelength.

So I went into being Carl's girlfriend feeling pretty confident about the decision I had made.

And then, within days...

things got complicated.

The Things I Didn't Know

As Carl and I started having deeper conversations, he shared some things with me that I hadn't known before becoming his girlfriend.

And these weren't little differences or preferences.

Like, for example, the fact that Carl didn't like Studio Ghibli.

Which, yes, was unfortunate. 😂

And actually...that particular difference eventually became its own little story.

We'll get to that one later. 👀😂

[MINI STORY LINK: The Studio Ghibli Incident →]

But these were different.

These were things that bumped directly into some of the dealbreakers I had already decided mattered to me in a relationship.

I remember feeling completely thrown off.

Wait.

Why didn't I know this before I agreed to be his girlfriend?

Part of me felt like some of this was information I really should have had before making that decision.

And suddenly, I had a problem.

Because if Carl had told me these things before we became official, maybe the decision would have felt simpler.

But now?

I liked him.

I was attached.

I was his girlfriend.

He was my boyfriend.

And I REALLY wanted this relationship to work.

So when Carl asked me what I thought—whether these things meant we shouldn't keep dating—I couldn't bring myself to say:

Yes. Maybe they do.

Instead, I told him I needed to think about it.

But I also told him I didn't think we needed to break up.

Basically:

Yes, these are things I've specifically said are dealbreakers...

but maybe we can just put them over here for a minute while I figure out how much I like having a boyfriend. 😬😂

And that was the beginning of something I didn't recognize at the time.

I started negotiating with myself.

But Look at All the GOOD Things...

Every time something bothered me, my brain became very good at presenting the defense. 😂

Okay, yes, this concerns me...BUT Carl has really good standards.

Yes, that's something I've always said matters to me...BUT he works at the temple.

Yes, I don't feel completely settled about this...BUT look at all the things we have in common.

And none of those good things were fake.

That's important.

Carl really did have qualities I admired.

We really did have fun together.

I really did like him.

This wasn't a relationship where everything was horrible and I somehow couldn't see it.

There was good mixed with things that concerned me.

And honestly?

I think that's part of what made it so confusing.

Eventually, I even started making lists in my head—and sometimes more literally—of all the things I knew and liked about Carl.

This is what I know about him.

This is why I like him.

This is why this could work.

At the time, I thought I was being thoughtful.

Looking back, I can see that I was also trying pretty hard to reassure myself.

Because underneath all those reasons...

there was still this little uncomfortable feeling I couldn't quite get rid of.

Meanwhile...We Were Becoming VERY Attached

While I was trying to figure out what I thought about the things Carl had told me, our relationship wasn't exactly slowing down.

Actually...

it was doing the opposite.

Remember my whole speech about the RAM Model?

Yeah.

Apparently I was better at explaining it than following it. 😂

Carl and I started spending a LOT of time together.

We texted constantly, spent evenings together, and even started FaceTiming in the mornings and at night.

Some mornings we'd exercise together over FaceTime. At night, we'd talk and pray together before going to bed.

It was sweet.

It felt wholesome.

And honestly, at the time, I really liked it.

But it also meant that Carl was becoming part of my everyday routine VERY quickly.

And then there was Spanish. 😂

Carl had served a Spanish-speaking mission and missed speaking the language, so he started kindly encouraging me to learn so he'd have someone to speak Spanish with.

I like learning, so at first I thought, Why not?

Before I knew it, though, Carl was checking in on my progress...and I was making sure I had something to report back. 😂

Hmm...interesting. 🤔

There's a little more to that story.

[MINI STORY LINK: My Boyfriend Gave Me Spanish Homework 😂 →]

Between the AM and PM FaceTimes, exercising together, praying together, and everything else, looking back, we were basically becoming...

missionary companions with romantic feelings. 😂

And the more Carl became woven into my everyday life, the more attached I became.

Which made those dealbreakers sitting quietly in the background even harder to look at.

Because now walking away wouldn't just mean:

This guy isn't right for me.

It would mean giving up someone who had very quickly become part of my day-to-day life.

And Then Came the Corrections

Somewhere in all of this, another little pattern started appearing.

Carl liked knowing things.

And honestly, at first, I kind of liked that about him.

He was curious. He researched things. He liked learning how things worked. If he discovered a better or more efficient way to do something...

he wanted to share it.

Which sounds great, right?

I like learning too.

I LOVE growth.

So when Carl started giving me little suggestions or correcting things here and there, I didn't immediately think:

Oh, this is going to be a problem.

It was more like:

Hmm.

Okay.

I guess there is a better way to do that.

One of the first moments I remember happened while we were doing dishes at my parents' house.

I put something in the dishwasher.

Carl stopped me and showed me the “better” way to do it.

And something about it rubbed me the wrong way.

Not enough to think it was some huge problem.

Just enough for:

Hmm...interesting. 🤔

But Carl had a reason for why his way worked better, and I liked learning new things, so...

I brushed it off.

Little did I know, the dishwasher was only the beginning. 😂

[MINI STORY LINK: Apparently, I'd Been Loading the Dishwasher Wrong My Whole Life →]

For now, though, I filed that moment away and kept dating my boyfriend.

Then I Got a Very Different Kind of Message

Even with the things that concerned me, I was still enjoying being with Carl.

I still saw all the good.

I still had that original impression:

He's on your wavelength.

And because of that, I felt pretty confident continuing forward.

Until one day, not very far into our relationship, I was driving.

It was a beautiful, sunny day.

I had music playing in the car, and at some point, I turned it off.

Everything got quiet.

And in that quiet, a thought came into my mind.

Simple.

Clear.

And VERY inconvenient.

You need to end this relationship.

Excuse me?

I remember being completely thrown.

End it?

Why?

I had just gotten into the relationship.

I liked Carl.

We had so much in common.

Hadn't I already felt like he was on my wavelength?

Hadn't I felt good about moving forward?

And now I was supposed to...

end it?

That didn't make sense to me.

So instead of immediately listening to that thought, I started questioning it.

Maybe I'm overthinking.

Maybe I'm scared because this is getting serious.

Maybe this is just anxiety.

Maybe I'm supposed to learn how to work through differences instead of running away from them.

I could think of plenty of reasons why ending the relationship didn't make sense.

And I could think of plenty of reasons why staying did.

So...

I stayed.

At the time, I thought I was giving the relationship a fair chance.

I didn't realize I was about to spend the next several weeks trying to turn a very clear red light...

into a green one.

NEXT IN THE CARL THE CORRECTOR SERIES

Part Three: The Red Light I Tried to Turn Green

I had felt a very clear impression to end the relationship. The problem? I really didn't want to. So instead of walking away, I started looking for every reason I could find to stay.

KEEP READING: PART THREE →

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