Have you ever met someone who checked a surprising number of your boxes, only to discover one little problem?
They had already planned exactly what their future was going to look like.
And apparently...
there wasn't much room for rerouting.
Enter Utah-Only Owen.
Okay...This Guy Gets It
I met Owen through Mutual, an LDS dating app.
We started messaging, and within a few days, I was genuinely intrigued.
First of all, we had some crazy connections.
The more we talked, the more we discovered mutual people, similar experiences, and surprisingly similar mindsets and standards.
But what really caught my attention was the way he approached dating.
He was intentional.
There wasn't a lot of pointless small talk or beating around the bush.
He asked real questions.
He seemed interested in figuring out whether our values and goals actually aligned instead of spending three weeks discussing our favorite colors.
And I appreciated that.
Because that's how I wanted to date too.
I remember thinking:
Okay...this guy gets it.
For a little while, our conversations were going really well.
Until Owen hit me with something along the lines of:
“To be honest, I don't really know what I'm looking for, and I don't know if I want to keep talking to someone who doesn't live in Utah.”
Oh.
Okay.
Honestly...That Was Fair
I didn't live in Utah.
Long distance wasn't something everyone wanted, and if he knew he wasn't interested in pursuing someone outside his state, I could respect that.
So I basically told him I understood.
Except...
he kept talking to me.
He told me he still wanted to keep getting to know me and suggested that we at least have a phone call.
And this is where Present-Day Alaina looks back and thinks:
Girl.
He literally just told you he didn't know what he wanted.
But at the time, I thought:
Well, what's one phone call?
So I agreed.
Then We Actually Talked
We planned a call, and almost immediately I noticed something I've learned more than once through online dating:
Messaging chemistry and actual conversation can feel VERY different.
When you're messaging someone, your brain creates a version of them.
You imagine their voice, their personality, their mannerisms, and how the conversation might feel in person.
Then you finally hear their actual voice and think...
Oh.
You're different than the person my brain created.
Our call wasn't terrible.
It was just a little awkward.
But as we talked, Owen started saying things that caught my attention.
He wasn't a big fan of the beach.
Okay.
I can survive that.
Then he told me he didn't really like traveling.
Hmm...
And then came the big one.
He wanted to live in Utah forever.
Not: “I really like Utah.”
Not: “I'd prefer to stay close to family.”
It felt much more like:
This is where I'm staying. Period.
And suddenly, all those little comments started connecting in my head.
He wasn't sure he wanted to talk to someone outside Utah.
He didn't really like traveling.
He wasn't particularly interested in going new places.
And he had already decided where he wanted to spend the rest of his life.
That was another little...
Hmm...interesting.
It Wasn't Actually About Utah
The funny thing is, Utah wasn't the problem.
I wasn't sitting there thinking:
Absolutely not! I could NEVER live in Utah!
What stood out to me was the mindset underneath it.
At that point in my life, I'd already learned that my plans didn't always end up being God's plans.
Life had taken me places I hadn't expected.
I'd served a mission.
I'd experienced change.
I'd learned that sometimes God asks you to go somewhere you hadn't planned to go or become someone you hadn't planned to become.
And I wanted my future to have room for that.
I wanted to travel.
I wanted adventure.
I wanted to experience different places and cultures.
And most importantly, I wanted to be able to say:
“Lord, wherever You need me, I'm willing to go.”
So hearing someone already speak so definitively about where he would—and wouldn't—go made me wonder:
Would our lives actually fit together?
Not because Owen was wrong for loving Utah.
But because I needed openness.
Openness to change.
Openness to adventure.
Openness to plans changing.
And openness to God saying:
Actually...I have something different for you.
And Yet...I Kept Messaging Him
Now, you would think that after the phone call I would have simply said:
Nice guy. Similar values. Different vision for life. Moving on.
Nope.
I kept talking to him.
Because apparently I needed Owen to tell me twice that he wasn't sure about this before I got the message.
Eventually, another text came through.
I don't remember his exact words—it was three or four years ago—but it was basically another version of:
“I just don't know if I want to keep talking...”
And looking back, it almost felt like he was asking me for permission to stop.
Present-Day Alaina would handle that pretty differently.
You don't want to keep talking? Totally okay. Best of luck.
Unmatch.
Done.
But Alaina back then?
Oh no.
She wrote a paragraph.
Probably several paragraphs, if we're being realistic.
I sent him a long message explaining how I felt about some of the things he'd said and the differences I'd noticed between us.
Do I remember exactly what I wrote?
Absolutely not.
Again...
three or four years ago.
But I do remember telling him something that has stuck with me ever since:
I wanted to be willing to move wherever the Lord took me.
I didn't want to decide exactly what my future had to look like and leave no room for God to change it.
I sent the message.
And Owen...
never responded.
Maybe I scared him away with my novel.
Maybe he'd already decided he was done.
Either way, that was the end of Utah-Only Owen.
And Then Came the Irony
Here's the part that makes me laugh looking back.
Remember how Owen wasn't sure he wanted to keep talking to me because I didn't live in Utah?
Remember how I told him I wanted to be willing to go wherever God led me?
Well...
Neither Owen nor I knew that a few months later, I would move to Utah.
Yep.
The girl he wasn't sure he should talk to because she didn't live in Utah...
was about to live in Utah.
Oh, the irony.
But strangely enough, that doesn't make me look back and think:
If only we'd kept talking!
Actually, it does the opposite.
Because Utah was never really the issue.
What Utah-Only Owen Taught Me
Owen helped me recognize a distinction that's become really important to me:
There's a difference between having direction and having a fixed mindset.
I WANT someone with direction.
I want someone who has goals, values, opinions, and an idea of the kind of life he wants to build.
That's actually one of the things that initially attracted me to Owen.
But I also want someone who can hold those plans with an open hand.
Someone who can say:
This is what I want...but I'm willing to grow.
This is my plan...but I'm willing to change it.
This is where I think I'm going...but if God redirects me, I'll listen.
Because life changes.
People change.
Plans change.
And apparently...
sometimes the girl living outside Utah ends up moving there anyway.
Owen also taught me another lesson that Present-Day Alaina understands much better:
When someone repeatedly tells me they don't know if they want to keep getting to know me, I don't need to convince them.
I don't need to write the perfect paragraph.
I don't need to explain why they should give me a chance.
I don't need to wait around while they decide whether I'm worth continuing to know.
I can simply listen to what they're telling me.
Maybe Owen and I could have connected differently if we'd met after I moved to Utah.
Maybe not.
I'll never know.
And honestly?
I don't need to.
Because Utah-Only Owen didn't teach me where I needed to live.
He helped me recognize how I wanted to live.
With direction, yes.
But also with enough openness to let God change the destination.
And considering where I ended up just a few months later...
I'm really glad I hadn't already drawn my own map in permanent ink.
How tightly do you hold your plans?
Have you ever met someone who had a very clear vision for their future...but realized there wasn't much room for that vision to change?
Or had life completely reroute one of your own plans in a way you never expected? ❤️
Utah-Only Owen didn't teach me that having a plan is bad.
He actually helped me realize that I really value direction.
I just don't want direction to become rigidity.
I want to build a life with someone who can make plans...and still leave enough room for God to redraw the map.
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